I’m hopelessly addicted to social networking but I don’t think it’s mutual.

On Monday, I posted something ridiculous on facebook about the insane amount of PayDay fun-size candy bars that I had eaten.  Of course I’m not going to tell you the actual number!  I do a weight-loss post (mostly) every week and I’ve never revealed my actual weight.  Why on earth would I tell you–

Six, okay!

That’s right.  I have zero self-control.

Feel free to judge me.

I do it all the time.

Along with my shame-parade of admission to the actual number of delicious peanut-coated nougats I had consumed, I also posted something about how they don’t count as calories against you because there is no chocolate in them.

I like to make-up dieting rules as I go.  Although, it rarely works to my advantage.

My calories-don’t-count-if-they-are-not-chocolate statement sparked quite a lively facebook comment flare-up.

Another important fact to know about me?  I live and breathe for that damn red bubble that says that somebody, somewhere acknowledges me.  Even though it’s usually a comment about the original poster’s status and, in no way, a reference to me or what I had to say, I love it.  I get this weird thrill when, on my birthday, there are numbers bigger than “1” in that little red bubble.

But sometimes?

Sometimes that red bubble is a dirty whore.

Sometimes that red bubble betrays you.

Sometimes that red bubble reminds you that some people can see through all of your bullshit and they call you out on it.

You want specifics?  Well, here you go!

Original status on Monday: Since PayDay candy bars have no chocolate, they don’t actually count as calories against you.  Right?

This drew 17 comments!

Seventeen!

One of my highest ever.

Not that I’m keeping track or anything.

Obviously I’m not that pathetic.

I have a self-indulgent blog because I’m that pathetic.

Then today, I felt that it was important to update my friends and let them know that I was still, in fact, alive and not in a diabetic coma from all of the sugary goodness I had consumed yesterday.

Yesterday’s status update: Today’s count on the fun size PayDays: 2.  Significantly better than yesterday’s count of six.

I chuckled to myself because I’m obnoxious and I laugh at the things that are going on inside my head all the time.

I totally understand if you want to leave this post right now.  It’s about to get weird(er).  If that’s even possible.

As I was dreaming about PayDays cooking dinner last night, I decided to check The facebook and see what all of my friends were up to.

My heart leaped when I saw it.

The red bubble.

The red bubble that would, in a matter of minutes, crush my soul.

Obviously I clicked on it.

I am stupid.

This is the comment that I was greeted with: Each fun size payday has 90 calories.  You have successfully consumed 720 calories from paydays in 48 hours.  If 3500 calories roughly equals a pound, you have gained about 0.21 pounds.  You’re welcome 🙂

Okay, let’s take a second to break down the flaws in this comment.

1. Duh, obviously each fun size candy bar has roughly 90 calories.  BUT THEY DON’T COUNT!  IT’S A RULE!

b. It wasn’t 48 hours.  It was just over 24 hours, so neener.

7. No punctuation behind the end of a sentence other than a sarcastic smiley face is just tacky.  Points deducted based on principle rules of etiquette.

So when you total everything up, I’m clearly the winner here.  Helloooooooo?  Who got to eat 8 fun size candy bars in a 24-hour period?  Me.  This also means that I have approximately 36 hours to starve myself in order to not have a knock-down drag-out fight with my scale come Thursday morning.

Thanks a lot, Lisa.  If I wanted this kind of guilt, I would have converted to Catholicism.

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18 thoughts on “I’m hopelessly addicted to social networking but I don’t think it’s mutual.

  1. Sweetie, if it makes you feel any better: every year, right after Halloween, I consume at least 10 tiny Musketeers every day. At Least. Plus maybe five (or 7) handfuls of candy corn pumpkins.

    And really, they don’t count..you burn, like, just as many calories unwrapping them as you get from eating them 😉

  2. You’re using proper facebook punctuation to get me here???? (how many question marks is appropriate for you?) Is THAT all you’ve got, Stemme? Clearly, your cerebrospinal fluid has been replaced with caramel. Just think of me as your very own personal Jillian Michaels (minus the rockin hot impossible to achieve body) here to root you on and tell you when you’ve slipped up! Plus, I love how your facebook friends think I’m a hater! AS IF!

    P.S. I wonder how many baby carrot sticks you could have eaten for 720 calories? Hold on just a second while I look it up….144.

    • I know! She was on you big time but it made me laugh, which burns calories. I’m pretty sure that means I can eat more candy . . .

      You wanna know a weird fact about me & carrots? Raw carrots give me heartburn. Figure that one out, Dr. Moore.

  3. So! (she said in a sarcastic tone).
    The excitement you derive and the adrenalin you pump up from waiting for that little red bubble burns at LEAST 50 calories and 15 grams of fat. Yes, friends, being a social network addict does burn calories. Guilt burns a few more (and I’m not Catholic either). OK, not many, and I am a hopeless test case but that’s alright. I see you have your menus planned. That had to burn some calories as well as brain cells. You’re back on track!

    • I am back on track! I’m really hopeful for a good weigh-in tomorrow and getting ever-closer to my next mini-goal!

      And, thanks so much for all of the info about calorie usage. I had no idea that WAITING for responses in facebook burned calories! You are an awesome wealth of knowledge 😉

  4. I am eating a box of Mike and Ikes as I read this. I also laughed out loud while reading this…especially the part about laughing out loud. I also laughed out loud at myself telling you about the Mike and Ikes. I think not putting punctuation after a sarcastic smiley would not burn calories because you are trying to make short cuts for yourself. Jillian Michaels says if you take short cuts you won’t get the results you want. I don’t punctuate after smileys. Not because I’m trying to be tacky, but I think it looks funny with a punctuation mark next to a smiley face. I also think that when a funny comment is posted it should not be followed by the same nutritional value information that she could have read on the back of the package, but refused to because she has diet rules she needs to follow. I just consumed 140 calories while typing this. I burned them off by typing an extra long comment. By the way, since we’re on the internet and no one can hear my dry sarcastic humor behind this entire comment I will end on this note…. 🙂

      • Very true! See I’m not very good with rules….well remembering them anyway. I do have a new rule for you though. I’m sure you’d LOVE to have a new dieting rule!! If you don’t eat the entire bag of fun size Paydays then you ARE exhibiting self-control 😀

  5. DUDE – That wasn’t a nice comment!! De-friend – LOL
    If it makes you feel any better I ate an entire bag of peanut butter M&Ms in 1.5 days… I think they all went to my thighs – they are reminding me of how fat I am everytime I walk – Maybe I should walk around while eating M&Ms…

  6. You crack me up!!! I love this entire post as well as all of the comments. You have some funny friends I must say. It’s entirely too late for me to be witty or funny…but just had to saw. LOL!! If her punctuation annoyed you….I must drive you insane! Ha. I am the queen of the … I use it to punctuate everything, so that there aren’t any real sentences in my writing…just one Long Ass thought! 🙂 Hope Jillian doesn’t find your blog….she’ll be beating down your door! hehehe

    • I am starting to feel just a teensy bit bad because she really is my friend and she was totally teasing me. Truth is, I would have done the same thing to her if I would have thought of it first :D. I may have to issue an apology post to her. And, her punctuation doesn’t really annoy me, I was just reaching for things to nail her on!

      And, I sincerely hope Jillian doesn’t find my blog either. I wouldn’t put it past that sadistic bitch to hunt me down and make me cry for my momma 😦

  7. Pingback: Weight-loss Thursday « Many Sleepless Nights

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