On Monday, I posted something ridiculous on facebook about the insane amount of PayDay fun-size candy bars that I had eaten. Of course I’m not going to tell you the actual number! I do a weight-loss post (mostly) every week and I’ve never revealed my actual weight. Why on earth would I tell you–
That’s right. I have zero self-control.
Feel free to judge me.
I do it all the time.
Along with my shame-parade of admission to the actual number of delicious peanut-coated nougats I had consumed, I also posted something about how they don’t count as calories against you because there is no chocolate in them.
I like to make-up dieting rules as I go. Although, it rarely works to my advantage.
My calories-don’t-count-if-they-are-not-chocolate statement sparked quite a lively facebook comment flare-up.
Another important fact to know about me? I live and breathe for that damn red bubble that says that somebody, somewhere acknowledges me. Even though it’s usually a comment about the original poster’s status and, in no way, a reference to me or what I had to say, I love it. I get this weird thrill when, on my birthday, there are numbers bigger than “1” in that little red bubble.
Sometimes that red bubble is a dirty whore.
Sometimes that red bubble betrays you.
Sometimes that red bubble reminds you that some people can see through all of your bullshit and they call you out on it.
You want specifics? Well, here you go!
Original status on Monday: Since PayDay candy bars have no chocolate, they don’t actually count as calories against you. Right?
This drew 17 comments!
One of my highest ever.
Not that I’m keeping track or anything.
Obviously I’m not that pathetic.
I have a self-indulgent blog because I’m that pathetic.
Then today, I felt that it was important to update my friends and let them know that I was still, in fact, alive and not in a diabetic coma from all of the sugary goodness I had consumed yesterday.
Yesterday’s status update: Today’s count on the fun size PayDays: 2. Significantly better than yesterday’s count of six.
I chuckled to myself because I’m obnoxious and I laugh at the things that are going on inside my head all the time.
I totally understand if you want to leave this post right now. It’s about to get weird(er). If that’s even possible.
As I was dreaming about PayDays cooking dinner last night, I decided to check The facebook and see what all of my friends were up to.
My heart leaped when I saw it.
The red bubble.
The red bubble that would, in a matter of minutes, crush my soul.
Obviously I clicked on it.
I am stupid.
This is the comment that I was greeted with: Each fun size payday has 90 calories. You have successfully consumed 720 calories from paydays in 48 hours. If 3500 calories roughly equals a pound, you have gained about 0.21 pounds. You’re welcome 🙂
Okay, let’s take a second to break down the flaws in this comment.
1. Duh, obviously each fun size candy bar has roughly 90 calories. BUT THEY DON’T COUNT! IT’S A RULE!
b. It wasn’t 48 hours. It was just over 24 hours, so neener.
7. No punctuation behind the end of a sentence other than a sarcastic smiley face is just tacky. Points deducted based on principle rules of etiquette.
So when you total everything up, I’m clearly the winner here. Helloooooooo? Who got to eat 8 fun size candy bars in a 24-hour period? Me. This also means that I have approximately 36 hours to starve myself in order to not have a knock-down drag-out fight with my scale come Thursday morning.
Thanks a lot, Lisa. If I wanted this kind of guilt, I would have converted to Catholicism.