Questions about Fifty Shades of Grey

WARNING: (Yes, shouty capitals are very necessary) If you are one of my parents, in-laws or grandparents, DO NOT read this post.  I will blush every time I think of you reading this.

1) When Christian and Ana have sex (vanilla or Red Room of Pain sex), why does Ana never use the bathroom afterward?  I know that she was a virgin when they got together but when the gyno came to the apartment to start her on the pill (and then later, the shot), did she not warn her about UTIs?  That’s bad looking out, doc. 

1b) Also?  Christian stopped wearing condoms once she was on the pill.  So, is there a trail of semen wherever she walks?  Does poor Mrs. Jones {the housekeeper} have to change the sheets multiple times/day?

2) For the love of all that is Holy, why in the bloody hell does the author constantly refer to Ana’s vagina as her “sex” or on more rare occasions “down there“?  She has absolutely no qualms about using the words clitoris, anal, butt plug, anal beads, semen, and (one of her favorites) fuck/fucking/fuckery.  I get that she is British, but why is vagina the only word that is censored? 

3) Did anybody else nearly puke in their mouths when Christian pulled out Ana’s tampon when they were in the hotel bathroom?  Ga-ross.

4) Why isn’t there a label on the cover warning readers to stay away if they are ovulating and don’t want a surprise pregnancy?  It’s a good thing I’m already pregnant.

5) Why is the author incapable of describing sunsets/rises in colors other than aquamarine and pearl?

6) Does anybody else find it totally unbelievable that a) Ana has an orgasm every.single.time they have sex? (Except for the one time in the playroom where Christian wouldn’t let her and then they had a huge fight)  Even when she lost her virginity?  And b) They have wild sex, Christian lets out his “O” face and then, 45 seconds later, they are back at it?  I mean, c’mon dude.  All of us ladies know that you need a nap and a snack afterwards.  Even if you are only 27, virile and in incredible shape.

7) Despite the fact that a majority of the story takes place in Portland and Seattle, only once or twice do the characters mention dreary weather.  I have a few friends that live in the Pacific Northwest and it rains all.the.time. up there.  In order to keep this posed as a question: Why does the author never mention the shitty PNW weather?

Feel free to add your own questions in the comments section.  Or if you have any answers to my questions, lemme know!


8 thoughts on “Questions about Fifty Shades of Grey

  1. This is all kinds of hilarious. And TOTALLY agree with #3. Barf. Did you only read the first book? They get more “vanilla” as the series goes on.

  2. LMAO!!! 1) Because she’s fucking disgusting! 1B) There must be since she doesn’t go to the bathroom afterward… and I’m sure Mrs. Jones does clean it since she also cleans the sex toys! Ewwwwww! 2) I don’t get it either! I was pretty annoyed with that, lol! Maybe it’s a british thing. 3) Oh my god yes that was some nasty ass shit! Lol! 4) LMAO! Speak for yourself! 😉 5) I have no idea. I liked the picture I created in my head though, lol!. 6) ahem. No. Maybe when she lost her virginity yes… but not all the other times. Don’t you?? Lol! B) lol, I thought the same thing! 7) I just thought that maybe it was summer all the time, lol! But yes I have heard that it rains out there all the time.

  3. Oh, my gosh . . . I haven’t read these, and I’m not sure I want to after reading some of the questions you have! Seriously? Number 4??? Nas.Ty.

  4. Oh Tara, I love you and miss you, life is just fun when you are in it!!! Yes, a lot of those same things bugged me and it made me say, what is wrong with me? I don’t really think it was me….maybe just my hubby!!! LOL!!! Now if you want to read books that I actually think are better, try Bared to You and Reflected in You by Sylvia Day….no vagina being renamed in these books!!!

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